Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
