So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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