Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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