and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
