What did we do last night that was yellow?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
