I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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