well I can't set my house on fire every night
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
