I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
