nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
