I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
