im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
