When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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