Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
