i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
