I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
