I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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