i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
