I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
