He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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