come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
