Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
