Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
