can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
