Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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