This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
