What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I wish there were birth control emojis
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
