Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
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