who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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