Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
