1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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