There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
