Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
