She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
40s are totally the cure
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
