are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
