She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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