You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
