I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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