I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I look excited, but its just a facade.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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