So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
