If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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