dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
