Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
