Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
