I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We had to coat check the pizza.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
