im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
