Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
