My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
