Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
