I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
