ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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