try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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