Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i love accidental penises.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
